Despised

Rain pours on thy flesh, still they mock me,
Assured by the suggestion their naivety had shown them.
Silently, I laugh at their ridiculous plight to scathe me.
Underneath, I’m anxious to receive smiting.
Inevitable, they would enjoy it.

As they’re blinded by the smoke that I breathe,
Knowing that there wrath will grow,
I remain stalwart, unmoved by the chaos.
Rest assured that you will despise me tomorrow,
And again I would laugh at you evilly, ‘cause you could never touch me.

- Rasui Akira

written on September 27, 2005 – 12:24 AM

Cut You Deep

You haven’t changed, though time passed briskly.
You still linger in your naive thoughts of my becoming.
Clouded by the stubbornness you harbor,
Aimlessly seeking for a means to your end,
A biased answer for your satisfaction.

I would have given you the sympathy I’ve once had for you,
Indulged in the illusion you wanted.
But it would be too senseless and redundant.
We’d be another one of fools’ victims.

The message never really reached you.
It still remains in the air that surrounds your entity.
Graciously available, trying to get in, so that you might understand.
Yet, you’ve kept you’re doors closed, only letting what you want in.

I’m deeply troubled by your anguish, but you left me no other choice.
I have to cut you deep, scathing through your aura.
So that, once and for all, you could feel it.
This may be unreasonable, but in time you would see,
That wounds I’ve caused will bring scars to remind you of your own unjustness.

- Rasui Akira

written on September 25, 2005 – 2:28 AM

A Friend's Anguish

I’m so blessed to have you…

Not being there when I really need you the most.
You’re such insensitive jerks!
Haven’t you realize that something’s wrong with me?
You must really think that staying away from me,
and not giving me a damn would help me.

If you’re not that important to me, I’ve already condemned you.
But it has turned out that I’m the one that has been condemned.
Wow! That’s really something…

I thought you were the ones that could,
And yet you’re so fucking preoccupied with your shit!

I’m just waiting for you guys to notice,
But I guess you’re all too blind.
I’m just waiting for you guys to lend me a hand,
But I guess I’m not worthy of that after all.

Don’t expect me to come begging for help…
If you really know me, I’m not like that.

We’ll just wait what comes first,
You’re concern…
… Or my funeral.

- Rasui Akira

written on July 26, 2005 – 2:00 PM

Hooked by Pain

We shouldn’t hold on to pain…

A phrase I’ve once heard from a HBO TV series and tried to live by the idea it permeated. But what if the pain itself held on to you like a deadly virus or a blood – sucking leech, and not the other way around? Could you find a way to fight back and protect yourself from it?

It is still unbearable. The burden, that has been resurrected from the ashes of my drastic young life, has been lingering within my core once again, disturbing little peace that I have.

I fear that I maybe regressing to the state I was before. Or maybe my situation has heightened unlike then. I’m afraid that it would be too much for me to handle.

My eyes are slowly closing now, and yet the discomfort of the discourse of my emotions has left me with no other choice but to keep on lying awake, trying to contemplate my circumstances, even if it is very futile.

I may hurt like this tomorrow, the next day, a month or two, even a year- who knows? I’m a complete wreck anyway. Why bother struggling with it? I’m going to loose to it anyway.

- Rasui Akira

written on July 26, 2005 – 1:55 AM