I thought I was better, but I wasn’t.
My pain was just beginning…
It seemed that my journey towards a downward spiral ended a few years ago. I’ve started to become happy, rejoicing that somehow I’ve healed. Now my misconception has led me to devastation’s end. Like a dormant volcano, my anguish was just resting, building up a more powerful eruption that I couldn’t control.
Alas, my soul has once again being shaken and torn up by the tremors my heart has unleashed. And, when the time has come where help is in dire need of, its amount has plummeted to an all time low. It’s so amazingly surprising that I have been given peers that are very reliable in your time of despair.
I don’t want to be like a helpless dog.
If you won’t give me at least a bit of your sympathy,
then I won’t beat it out you.
To add to that, why are those people - let’s rephrase that - why is that person who is ready to comfort you is so ironically situated at the far side of the earth.
I’m in a desert in the middle of nowhere – no oasis, no food, no shade.
My only sanctuary will be the buzzards that will pick on my flesh once I’m dead.
If you want to kill me, get on with it! No reason to spare me. I’m just an insignificant speck, a small contingent of the vast population which contains people far more superior and worthy than me, right?
So why give me a chance? No one else has given me one.
My hope has died along with the sanity and reason I had left.
I know nothing… I’m a big lie…
I hurt so much that I want to bleed. I’m in so deep that I don’t know if there would be someone strong enough to pull me out of this abyss I’m plummeting to. I’m getting sick of the constant stereotypical advices that has been presented to me. At any moment, my heart could crush me, due to the massive swelling it’s been going through.
No one could understand… No one could save me… No one.
- Rasui Akira
written on July 25, 2005
