We shouldn’t hold on to pain…
A phrase I’ve once heard from a HBO TV series and tried to live by the idea it permeated. But what if the pain itself held on to you like a deadly virus or a blood – sucking leech, and not the other way around? Could you find a way to fight back and protect yourself from it?
It is still unbearable. The burden, that has been resurrected from the ashes of my drastic young life, has been lingering within my core once again, disturbing little peace that I have.
I fear that I maybe regressing to the state I was before. Or maybe my situation has heightened unlike then. I’m afraid that it would be too much for me to handle.
My eyes are slowly closing now, and yet the discomfort of the discourse of my emotions has left me with no other choice but to keep on lying awake, trying to contemplate my circumstances, even if it is very futile.
I may hurt like this tomorrow, the next day, a month or two, even a year- who knows? I’m a complete wreck anyway. Why bother struggling with it? I’m going to loose to it anyway.
- Rasui Akira
written on July 26, 2005 – 1:55 AM
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