I could only admire you from afar.
Can never tell how I truly feel.
I'd rather be silent, alone…
…than to lose you forever.
Since I was in the early stages of my maturity, I have long searched for someone who would care for me. Often disturbed by the sight of those who have found themselves intimately, I strived to obtain a personal connection of my own. Because of the envy that consumed me at the time, I rushed blindlessly into the raging sea of affection. Not knowing the consequences it would have. And so it has engulfed me in its massive whirlpools of chance. Eventually, it drowned me in great depression as each opportunity failed.
I was lost, confused, and even desperate. But soon I’ve found out the irrepressible truth - that nobody could ever learn to love someone as hideous as me. Society, the same one who offered all ideas of emotional optimism, has created these conformities that forever embody sentimental cynicism and hypocrisy.
As said in a movie, “Stripes for stripes… Spots for spots”
She’s a stripe.
I’m a spot.
…We could never be.
Maybe I’m paranoid. Maybe I’m delusional. Or maybe I’m right.
I have grown much, learned many things and known much about myself as an individual, as well as my emotional capacities to handle situations. But no matter how much I’ve developed, it will never please people.
A handsome face, a hot muscular physique, a nice sports car, wild sex - these are just a few things most people look for in a relationship.
Is she one of these people? People who look for the real essence of being together when they are not content with their partner or they have not sufficed there bodily appetites?
I’ve only met her for a few months. We have spent little time together and I’m still learning. Yet, my knowledge about her seems limited, thus disabling my abilities to fully please her.
… … … This is hopeless!
I am paranoid! I do not know how and I’m constantly afraid of the consequences my actions can bring.
I am delusional! I’m hoping she will be with me as time grows and old and weary.
Alas, I am right! I have no chance to at all…
So I worship you from a corner, wanting to tell you what I really feel about you. However, the thought of losing you weakens me even more.
I’d rather sleep tonight crying.
I’d rather be empty inside.
I’d rather be soulless…
…than not see you again
- Rasui Akira
1 comment:
I thought i was reading my own poem.
That one is terse and broad.
Less lines less mistakes.
But it is not thru the absence of mistakes that the poem earned its esteem in my very exacting taste-- it is primarily on the theme from which I can relate my own experiences, both in this earth and beyond.
Your poem has two free-verse stanzas.
The first one:
I could only admire you from afar
Can never tell how I trully feel
I'd rather be silent, alone
Than to lose you
forever
If you are familiar with the great Shakespeare, you should have learned how to defy grammar for the sake of timing. I do not have any problem with your poem this time, I just think that a little revision will make it sound better.
For example,
I could only admire you from afar
Can never tell how trully feel I
I'd rather live in silence-- alone
Than to forever lose you-- gone!
Notice how I jumbled the last 3 words of the second line. That is nessecary for the first two lines to conform, and for the consistency of beat.
The third and fourth line is somehow a more complicated editing. It does not only intervene with the original formation of words, it also does alter some words and some punctuation marks are being employed, thus affecting the very heart of each line. This type of editing is rarely exercised. Not only will the author get offended; most of the time the artwork is jeopardized.
It does not nessecarily mean that I have my own version and yours is a crap. The original will always prevail over any other well-turned-out version.
I have nothing to say with the second stanza.
I thought it was a poem meant for me!
Keep on soaring john paul!
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