Forbidden

I gaze upon your glorious image,
Stood bedazzled by your aura.
Dreamt of your eternal touch,
That'll soothe my shakened being.

But like the fruit contained in the garden of bliss,
You must forever remain untampered.
No one can ever taste your luscious essence,
For it might bring despair to whom who disturbs your peace.

Though you are forbidden to thy reach,
My longing for such grace has left me weak.
Disabled by the insatiable hunger,
That resides within the depths of my core.

Do I defy the law and receive thy smiting?
Or should I remain and persist to worship you endlessly.
Only my will could attest such inquiry.
So for now, I must be solemn until judgment is certain.

- Rasui Akira

written on February 16, 2005

Shackled

Encompassed in a world of irony,
Aided by wayward blasphemy.
From the silence, I must retreat,
And utter words of my defeat.

But shackled is me, can't move about.
Restrained by my paltry doubt.
On what and what's not to abstain,
On pleasures that I should contain.

Long I faced the disabling gust,
That ingests me through irresistible lust.
It suffices my extreme hunger.
Scathes my sinful heart even deeper.

Now I stand exhausted, craving for solace.
There's no purity left on this jagged face.
Bound my life, lead me to the grave,
Because I'm condemned forever a slave.

- Rasui Akira

written in January 30, 2003

The Forsaken

Living in a world of pure lies,
Accustomed to all immoralities.
I've desired a gracious hand,
To pull me out of the hypocrisies.

But I was wrong to have indulged,
In the offer you have presented.
Because it never crossed my mind,
That you could bring me endless torment.

I've offered you my fragile core,
Every bit of breath I've got.
So that you can just bury me,
And leave my flailing corpse to rot.

Is my eternal want for bliss too much?
Why on earth should I be the forsaken?
If so, then let me be burned away.
Because death seems like my only haven.

- Rasui Akira

written in February 7, 2005

Shattered Mirror

With this shattered mirror, I couldn't recognize.
Pieces of reflection, different from thy eyes.
I should have seen one but I witnessed plenty.
Do my portentous memories come back to haunt me?

With this damaged image, I tend to realize,
Majority of my life has been fed by lies.
Under pressure, I succumbed to darkness.
Wasted time that could be of sense.

With this birth of fragments, I awake to the truth.
My foolish games has no other root,
But I, myself and myself alone.
So I would receive thy punishment on my own.

With these bladed shapes of me,
I shall cleanse my soiled soul for all eternity.
Blood will flee thy veins for glorious Thee.
Cut me! Cut me!... And I shall bleed from my sanity!

- Rasui Akira

Numb

I spent almost three years being an inhabitant of a desolate soul. I’ve gone from the hopeful individual who assumed too much, to a shattered entity which eventually grew to become a dark and bitter character.

I’ve hated the world then, giving no love for almost all it encompasses; the ones who didn’t understood me, the ones who continuously kept me down, the promises of bliss I stupidly believed. Everything just made my stomach turn, my eyes flood with tears and my heart disintegrate into dust.

I felt no love for the world. I felt no love for myself.

It was long time ago, yet the scars remain fresh. With my haunting past still corrupting me, I often ask myself, could I ever be healed? Do I need to be healed? And with this, I must also ask if could ever love again. And if so do I even need to love again?

Love, which has been kept extensively, has now dissipated from my frail heart. The sadistic trials that trampled my very spirit, have unsuspectingly numbed my senses. Thus, I’m left dueling with emotions, frequently questioning my capabilities to identify love and to acknowledge such love. I’m left clueless, continuously swinging back and forth, being swept by the tide and will eventually be thrown back to shore once the waves have subsided.

Is this what I’ve been reduced to? Was my quest to search “the one” futile? Because now that I did found “the one”, I can’t even distinguish what I feel or even what she feels.

It can only go two ways: it could end up with one of us being hurt or it could end up with us being together.

The words that will soon flee my mouth will be the one to establish our fate. And may the words that escape thy lips would be enough to break the accursed spell that has been bequeathed upon me. May I speak the words of sincerity so I may not wound her will. May I not beseech her with my ambiguity and naivety of the subject.

May tomorrow be that day...

- Rasui Akira