Losing isn't always a bad thing…
Cloud spirit by *Aomori on deviantART
Dear Unicornfucius,
Please rid me of the anger from the perils of the past.
Let me not be swayed by red flashes of their memory,
Let me not be burdened by the heart demons they harbor.
Guide me gently through the days unknown,
And fill each one with the colors of your rainbow.
- Rasui Akira
The new blog design I mean.
Thanks to the good people of Blogger for this new template designer ( which I’ve just discovered recently ), and the creative stylings of Tina Chen and Jason Morrow, my blog now looks decent.
I wouldn’t have had the courage to stir away from my old template ( due to lack of the proper skills ) without this new fangled gadget. But I will miss you dearly Hemingway blog template.
Hooray for innovation! You rock Google!
Hope you stick around! I’ll be coming up with lots of posts in the following days. I feel pumped up more than ever and I’m ready to give my pen and paper the proper lovemaking they deserve. LOL.
I’M BACK, B*TCHES!!!
Sincerely yours,
Rasui Akira
Official Head MDL ( Modern Day Loser )
Flooding sight,
Rhythmic dances of light,
Swaying to melodies of the sky.
Suddenly it reveals,
Demons behind its curtains,
Howling gravity at one’s feet.
Sweet is the taste of fruit,
Nestled on inviting hands.
Innocence in its grace.
Alas, it turns bitter and evil,
From juices forbidden, spiting.
From arms subduing, lustful.
Bring unto me,
A breath without smoke,
A heartbeat without knives.
I beseech you!
Senses! Give me clarity!
I cannot take the lies.
- Rasui Akira
Good day, fellow losers.
It’s been almost 3 weeks since my last blog post.
I have committed an act of procrastination towards my writing and have let my enormous hectic work load get the best of me.
Please forgive me for my transgressions…
… And yes, “transgressions” is a big word for me. I feel fancy and sophisticated all of a sudden. Hihi. Anyways…
Recently, I’ve been pretty suppressed with my thoughts and emotions about certain things. Particularly in matters of the heart.
I’m usually the one who goes in head first into the big fuzzy red brick wall of ( do I dare say it? ) LOVE, fueled by the…
“Perhaps…”,
“I can make it work”,
“Give them what they want and I’ll get what I want”,
and the “It will do”…
…attitude I picked up from my past relationships. And with nothing but a cheap helmet on ( crash test dummy much, I know ).
So what’s changed?
It’s the first time ( I think ) that I am able to fully speak about why I am changing my ways now. So here it goes…
It has a major thing to do with pain. Pain isn’t really a good thing in most cases. Especially when you’re sticking a long and rusty lead pipe into someone’s chest.
Because after almost 2 years of being together, I led myself to believe that if you force love hard enough, that eventually, it would be natural.
But there’s nothing natural about shoving someone into your heart with a mallet and hoping you will get used to it and they would stay there forever.
I’ve also had the unfortunate opportunity to destroy myself in the process. I foolishly denounced my principles, my preferences, and my happiness, just to be in a relationship. And ironically, I was wishing to find happiness there.
I was naive to think that I could skip ahead with “cheat codes” and expect to be triumphant in the end. I should have found love in myself first before searching for it in the arms of a stranger.
Experience - you have proven yourself to be my greatest teacher once again.
The worst is over. I’m glad that I’m on the path I’m on now – eyes forward and never looking back. Ok, maybe I’ll glance back every once in a while so I’ll remember what’s good for me.
Maybe that’s why I have my speed brakes on. I’m just fed up with going through the mundane and chaotic cycle of love. Now I’m learning to be patient, to actually take the time to learn and love both myself and another.
Now that’s cleared, just need to know now what love really is…
Sincerely yours,
Rasui Akira
Official Head MDL ( Modern Day Loser )
All actual life is encounter.
- Martin Buber, I and Thou ( Ich und Du ), 1923
People and relationships are like the slurry of atoms under a microscope.
In a deeper biological sense ( *puts nerdy glasses on* ), life is basically made up by many singular entities, each continuously making an endless chain of chemical bonds with other entities, to make a much bigger and substantial molecular structure. As time passes, some of the links weaken, either through change in temperature, a chemical reaction, bombardment of other particles or just because it feels like letting go. And this makes the main particle feel less relevant than before, considering that atoms have feelings that is.
If that didn’t make your nose bleed, I don’t know what can. Anyways…
Because we enter this world as lone beings, the connections we make throughout or lives is essential. The kind of company we keep around is crucial part in defining who we are. The same thing goes with the people we don’t have around anymore.
It could be as…
…Simple as an acquaintance, like the new weird silent guy at the office who you can’t seem to break out of his Twilight Zone…
…Deep as a dear friend, who’s your shoulder to cry on or the ears to your spontaneous bitch fits ( which ever way works )…
…Natural as your family, who, for the most part, will be their for you when your at the top of your game or when you decided to jump in a pile of cow poop…
( Or ) … Intimate as your special other -- a boyfriend or girlfriend, a soul mate, a husband or a wife, or just someone who… completes you ( bring on the mushy potatoes and cheesiness!!! Oh, boy. ) …
Whatever kind of relationship it may be, every time one detaches from you, it’s gonna hurt. The only difference is how painful it will be in the morning when you realize that, you, someone else or fate, pulled off that giant Velcro strip attached to your heart.
But there would be band-aids for 3rd degree nylon hook abrasions. And the creation of ingestible contents of alcohol ( thank you, innovation! )would somehow help to ease the pain. We will still have go forth and continue with the way of the lonely atom, charging nucleus-first in the vast pool of particles, with better knowledge and understanding of the fact that relationships should never be taken for granted.
We should cease all thought of neglect towards the people we have in our lives. Because we will never know when life would be throwing a killing rampage, and before we know it, the links we have will be blurry, broken, hanging by a thread or even gone.
Sincerely yours,
Rasui Akira
Official Head MDL ( Modern Day Loser )
